As we drove down Westnedge, I looked
around to see if anyone was staring. We were in an Isuzu VehiCROSS. The
vehicle's unique exterior should have turned every head in sight. At the
wheel was my editor, Rebecca "the British Bomber" Roe. We were out being
mean and seen.
The VehiCROSS is a concept car come to life. Its unique and futuristic
styling sets it apart from the rest of the pack. It looks like a robotic
catfish from the front. Just trust me on that. Some think it's hideous.
Others think it's sexy. Other's think it's a UFO and clench their
bottoms in hopes of diverting the inevitable probe. But the only people
with pained butts are those actually riding inside the VehiCROSS.
The VehiCROSS was designed for abuse. It has the most advanced
suspension of any production vehicle in the world. That doesn't mean
comfortable, mind you. Your butt and spine will feel every bump without
mercy. However, the suspension itself can take a major pounding for a long
time without overheating. So the next time you drive across the outback of
Australia at 110 mph, rest assured the suspension can take it. An
unpainted polypropylene plastic covers the bottom half of the car
protecting against dents and rust.
The four wheel drive engages automatically when the sensors detect
slippage. The VehiCROSS will go into rear wheel drive on clear roads or
switch to 4WD in less ideal conditions.
The V6 215 hp engine helps it shoot across town easy though not
efficiently. At 15/19 mpg, this little terror will suck your wallet dry
especially at $1.67 a gallon. Blast OPEC!
So that's some of the stuff I stole from the brochure. Here's the
empirical stuff.
The spare tire is molded into the read cargo door. The comparatively
large tire swoops into the rear window obstructing vision out the back.
But damn it looks cool. The center of the back window is pinched between
the spare and the top of the window's frame. What little vision there is
out the back is obstructed by the head rests on the back seats. With
passengers in the back, vision would be all the worse. They should have
installed a periscope. Allegedly, some of the VehiCROSS SUVs in Japan have
a video camera mounted on the back so drivers can see what's going on on a
monitor.
Isuzu must have known passengers in the back would make visibility
worse so they tried to discourage people from sitting in the back by
offering little head room and a rough ride. But making the ordeal even
more traumatic is how uncomfortable it is getting in and out of the back.
The higher clearance and narrow space between the front seat and the back
means you need to be a yoga master to get in and out. I thought it was
comparable to getting in and out of a dryer at the Laundromat only a bit
more uncomfortable a ride.And it'll cost a lot more than a $ .25 a spin.
The top edge of the door frame is set suprisingly low. Anyone over
three feet may bop their heads on their way in. Wear a helmet until you
get used to it.
The VehiCROSS shares the dash with the sparse Amigo. It won't win any
design awards but it works. At nearly $30,000 though, a little interior
flare would have been nice.
But no one buys this car for function. It's all about the concept car
styling on the outside. It really is a head turner. Or so we thought.
Rebecca pulled over allowing me to struggle into the back seat. The
ride felt like a penitent flogging. From the relatively hidden back, I
decided to spy on people we drove pass to see how many would be wowed by
the VehiCROSS. Surely, I thought, we'd get hundreds of eyes staring at
this slick SUV longingly.
One might think that.
Rebecca "Is that a Gearshift in Your Pocket or are You Just Happy to
See Me" Roe drove the VehiCROSS. She's attractive, witty, intelligent,
alluring, charming, engrossing, captivating and all around stunning. And
I'm not saying that because she's my boss. Heck, no. I like her a lot. A
lot more than any other contributor to this paper likes her. In fact, I
like her more than even her own mother likes her. She's great,
she's...Wait, I've got several more months before my first review for a
raise. I'll save my boot kissing for later..
But anyway, no one was really looking at us. Car after car drove past
us without so much as a second glance. One exception: An early 90s Ford
F150 drove along side us for a while. The two men in the truck, both
wearing mustaches, sunglasses, dirty caps and an air of no-good, looked at
us intensely. From my hidden vantage point in the back, I couldn't tell if
they were admiring the VehiCROSS or ogling Rebecca. Their sunglasses hid
their eyes. Where they ogling or leering? I knew they weren't gawking
because their jaws were firmly set. I think they were leering. They seemed
the leering type. And since they looked like good ol' boys, I can only
assume they were leering at Rebecca "Hands Off My Tailgate" Roe and not
the Isuzu.
Perhaps most of us in Kalamazoo aren't ready for the VehiCROSS. It's
meant to be punished but instead punishes the average driver. It's tough
and mean looking but only a few chosen could pull it off. It's expensive
for a SUV to drive around town but just right for one to thrash about the
woods or dunes at 95 mph. It's something really something you have to test
drive yourself. Rick from Maple Hill of Portage can hook you up with a
ride. Give him a visit and hop in the Isuzu VehiCROSS.